First, allow me to apologize for the absence. It's been a busy time around here with the end of the year and a toddler running around. I had some thoughts running through my head and they have somewhat taken form on electronic paper, as it were. It's a sensitive topic and I fear I may have rambled a bit. Forgive me for that. I hope that it's easy to follow. I'm sure I will have some more on the topic later. God knows I experienced my share of it. Get comfortable. This is a fairly long post.
So, without further ado...
Let's talk about bullies, shall we? It's a hot topic these days, but certainly isn't anything new or novel. I've had some personal experience here, as well as dealing with being the parent of a bullied child. Neither of them are fond memories, let me tell you.
I wasn't exactly what one would call the graceful, wonderful, popular child. I was weird and awkward as far back as I can remember.
In the 7th grade, I suffered miserably. I won't give away names or call anyone out. It's redundant and those fences were long mended, but...
A couple of the popular girls really dragged me through the wringer. I suffered silently through it, then went home after school to cry my eyes out. Every Monday left me throwing up, sick at the thought of going to school. Panic attacks were frequent and I hated every single minute I was in that building. I remember the breaking point for me. We were in a class room. For some reason, the teacher wasn't there and there weren't many people in the room. I was sitting quietly and reading something or other to kill the time.
I heard some snickering behind me and felt something swoosh past me. Glancing down, I noticed a little ball of paper all wadded up. Another one came. Then another. By then, it was kind of obvious what was going on, but I just bit my lip and kept reading because, frankly, I was scared out of my mind. My whole body tensed into one giant knot. Snickers and whispers joined the tiny little paper balls. Meanwhile, I was swallowing the lump in my throat and trying not to cry, depsite tears welling up. It was a moment of fight or flight... and flight was winning. All I had to do was get the strength to get up and leave.
It never came.
I think the only thing that saved me from collapsing into a heap and sobbing right there was one voice saying, "Come on, guys... she's nice".
Apparently, I wasn't a fun target after that, because the paper tossing stopped and they went back to talking about something else.
As far as they were concerned, it was over and done with. I carried it, however. Just like I carried every single thing that was done to me that year. Being a sensitive soul in the face of that isn't easy, folks. Being picked on is hard, especially when you would just like to melt into the background. It molds and shapes you. That is not to say I did not get past it. I did. However, there are things that strike up the odd memory now and then, and my self esteem too a major beating.
Before I say what I'm about to say, let me stress this... I DO NOT CONDONE VIOLENCE. I don't believe it's the right course of action. I feel that there are many ways around it. That's said with an adult's hindsight and knowledge, with the wisdom that comes with growing up.
That said...
I can completely understand some of these kids that just snap and turn against their classmates with so much violence and rage. I GET the feeling of just wanting to make it all stop and wanting to lash out. I get it. I don't condone it, but I get it.
It is because of that feeling that I was utterly horrified when my little girl started coming home, talking about being bullied at school. Our local school has what they call a zero tolerance policy on bullying. Believe me when I say this is a complete load of crap. Their idea of zero tolerance is talking to the bully, scolding them... and promptly forgetting to do a damned thing beyond that.
We had multiple discussions with her school. When a a certain child was pushing her. That same child was saying some mean things and yanking her hair. The same child bent her finger backwards until she screamed. We spoke with the teacher at least four different times. Spoke to the principal several times. Very little was ever done. This little punk bully would be told not to do it again, get a finger wagged at him and off he went.
Where is the zero tolerance policy? Why was MY child left to fend for herself? Why was she not protected? Why was she shown that the people responsible for her safety and well being during school time didn't seem to give a damn about her?
Pixie is already a sensitive child. She takes so much to heart and feels so, so deeply that it kills me to watch sometimes. This poor girl wound up coming home in tears. Every single day. It finally just exploded inside of my head and we made the decision to remove her from the school and enter the world of schooling at home. It's been an experience so far.
When I called the school to tell them that would be her last day, they didn't seem to have much reaction. That's fine. I just let them know that the bullying situation had gotten out of control and that I was taking over where they had failed in protecting her.
It made me sick to my stomach thinking of her sitting in a classroom with girls behind her snickering and whispering while throwing paper wads at her. I did NOT want to see her broken like that... and believe me, it DOES break you. I couldn't bear the thought of her becoming so beaten down by people like this that she took her life. Or someone else's. We've seen too much of it. We've seen far, far too much death circling around bullying and I refused to let my baby girl become a part of that.
We have gotten some odd comments about what we did here. Home schooling is so weird. She's going to become a hermit! You're ruining her education!
Let me tell you something. She is getting the same curriculum as children in a brick and mortar school. The program we use is state run with everything she needs right there in front of you, both in supplies and online lesson plans, so we can keep going at her pace. She has far surpassed what she would have been doing there. Pixie is a very intelligent girl. I believe we've made the right decision here.
In an ideal world, there would have been no bullying... no lackluster education for my child while they wait for less able students to catch up... no need for all of the drama and chaos involved. Unfortunately, we don't live in an ideal world. We live in the real one... where children are brokenhearted and neglected by educators and others who are meant to protect and guide them.
We couldn't count on them to keep her safe, so I took the reins. We will make sure she is safe, enriched, protected and loved... all while making sure she gets the education she deserves.
I feel honored to be able to do this for her... with her. I just feel sad that things had to come to this and it will make absolutely no difference there. The bullies will find a new target... the schools will continue to turn a blind eye,
This problem is so big. What is it going to take to wake people up, guys?
